Policy on Conga Line Correctness

Conga LineBack in the dark ages, people at an office party would line up will-nilly, hands on the hips of the person in front of them and parade through the office/bar/pool area while writhing and kicking in a close approximation of a snake with nervous ticks covering its body. Although not mandated by law, the standard practice was to set up a sequence with boy / girl / boy / girl / boy / and so on.

This standard practice was adopted in an effort to ensure that each person was at least slightly interested in holding the hips of the person to their fore and, if not comfortable, at least willing to let the person to their aft hold them by the hips. Variations were used as well and increased in a direct relationship to the amount of alcohol consumed.

As we stated at the beginning of this post, this was back in the dark ages which for our purposes we will establish as any time prior to 1980. Since the dark ages, we have had to become more open and inclusive to the wide range of orientations / preferences / likes & dislikes /

From this point forward, during any coporate-sponsored events, a conga line is arranged in the following sequence:

  • Person of any gender and orientation,
  • Person of such a gender and orientation as to find the previous person at least somewhat attractive and who, in turn, does not offend the sensibilities of the person in front of them,
  • Person of such a gender and orientation as to find the previous person at least somewhat attractive and who, in turn, does not offend the sensibilities of the person in front of them,
  • Person of such a gender and orientation as to find the previous person at least somewhat attractive and who, in turn, does not offend the sensibilities of the person in front of them,
  • and so on

This sequence shall be maintained until a sufficient amount of alcohol has been consumed and at that point, all bets are off.

While it is our policy never to discriminate on the basis of a person’s race, gender, religion, nationality, disability, sexual orientation,¬†or political affiliation, we are actively seeking a legally defensible rationale to ensure that all white guys over the age of thirty attend mandatory rhythm classes before joining in a conga line.

photo by: Neeta Lind

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